Snap back to reality

Positivity is nowhere to be found, and neither is negativity

Not to sound too Gen Z, but what’s something that gives you the ick?

Some of mine are temperatures above 80 degrees, when someone takes or uses my stuff without asking, banana Laffy Taffys, the Houston Astros, entitled white men, Disney reusing the same narrative pattern in all their animated films over the last 20 years, and people who tell me I should be more positive about my life.

Pray tell, what do I have to be positive about right now? Other than baseball season and my Mariners residing atop the AL West, but let’s be real. It’s the Mariners. We’re all waiting for the other shoe to drop.

As a 26-year-old woman who’s paralyzed, lonely, suffering from muscle spasms and chronic pain, and scheduled for invasive surgery in less than a month, pardon me for not always having a sunny disposition or leading my life with plucky stick-to-itiveness. My bad.

We’re always taught to maintain a positive mental attitude, but how can I maintain something that doesn’t apply to most of my life? How can I think positively about my current circumstances?

The answer’s easy: I can’t. But I don’t think that automatically means I’m taking a negative approach.

Positivity and negativity are not black-and-white. It’s not always one or the other, and sometimes it’s neither. In my recent experience, I usually find myself somewhere in the middle of the two.

That middle ground between positivity and negativity? Reality.

Whenever I talk or write about my current state of affairs, it sounds exhausting, depressing, and Eeyore-esque, but it doesn’t necessarily sound negative. I’m not complaining about my life, or at least I try not to. I’m just telling you what it feels like to live it.

People might say that I should think positively in advance for what my circumstances might be like in a year or two, but I can’t afford to think that far ahead. I can’t be manifesting positive ideas for my future life when it’s hard enough to get through a day of my current one.

I also refuse to be more positive so that my story is easier for other people to digest. If someone can’t handle my harsh reality, they can remain in theirs. This is me and my ugly truth—take it or leave it.

Long story short (even though this post is more brief than usual), I’m allowed to focus my energy on the unfortunate nature of my everyday life. I don’t owe anyone a butterflies-and-rainbows version of it, and it’s not really worth my energy to dream one up in the first place.

Reality isn’t positive or negative. It’s honest, raw, and unapologetic.

I’m trying to follow suit.