Time doesn't fly

I never run out of it, either

A lot of things in life take a long time.

For example, I’ve been waiting a long time for a Mr. Darcy-esque man to tell me that I’ve bewitched him body and soul, and that he never wishes to be parted from me from this day on. Anyone know a guy like that?

I also spent a long time in the salon earlier this week doing something fun that I chose to do and had control over!

It took five-and-a-half hours (yikes), but I love having blue hair again, especially if it can bring the Mariners some luck going into the last three weeks of the season. Those boys are going to give me heart failure.

Other than hair appointments and yearning for a Jane Austen-style romance, every other aspect of my life needs more time than it did when I was able-bodied. And they’re not as pleasant.

Pre-accident Annie could get in and out of the shower in less than ten minutes; the process now takes me up to an hour, and that’s with my mom’s assistance. Those of you who can say “I’m just going to take a quick shower!” should consider yourselves real lucky. Those were the days.

It used to take me less than a minute to lock my front door, walk to my car, and drive away; that process now requires about five to ten minutes, and I need someone else to strap my chair to the floor of our van.

I also spend more time awake at night, more time at the doctor’s office, more time in pain, more time thinking of killer self-deprecating jokes (that list has grown quite long) and more time questioning God’s plan for my life.

And ironically, despite all this, I have a wide-open schedule almost every day. Life is funny.

Now I could go in a negative direction and talk about how my life is a mess of wasted time and opportunities, but you all already know about that! So let’s look at this from a different angle!

Paralysis forces me to be patient. I’d like to think I was a patient person before, but when your body gives you no alternative, it’s a different kind of patience.

Yes, everything in my life takes forever. Yes, I need help with a lot of shit. And yes, I’m annoyed by my lack of independence. But I’m trying so hard to practice patience and focus on how things may be different in the future.

I’m choosing to believe that this waiting period will be worth it.

I’m optimistic about going to QLI in Nebraska (I’ll hopefully have an update on that soon), and I long with all my heart for the day where I can live independently—or at least mostly independent.

I want to drive myself places, I want to cook my own meals, and I want to be a contributing member of society. I want to choose how I spend my time.

I am so motivated to leave this limbo period in the dust and get on with my life. But I also know I’m not ready for that yet, and I won’t be for a while.

So for the time being, I will remain patient and keep my eyes on the eventual prize. Easier said than done, but I’m trying. And that’s all I can ask of myself.

And who knows? Perhaps I’ll get to a point where my body no longer hates me. It would make the blog null and void, but it’ll be fine. We can always rebrand, right?